"Rise & Shine"

This week there was an animated discussion on the Great Dane Mail List about Great Danes sleeping in bed at night with their owners. (I tried that once myself with my two Great Danes, Melin and Jabber. I lived to tell about it, but just barely.)

For people who relish the idea of waking up every morning nose-to-nose with a Great Dane (as shown above), I suggest they ask their dog to sign the following document:

Beloved Master:

If you allow me to sleep in your bed tonight, I promise:

I will not take up the entire bed; I will stay in my own little corner.

I will not steal the covers nor will I hoard the pillows.

I will not whine and slobber jealously because you both are ignoring me, and then try to lick "the wet spot" afterwards.

I will not wait until you have fallen asleep to barf.

I will not stick my cold wet nose into your night clothes to warm it up.

I will not view this as an opportunity to clean your ears.

I will not scootch my bottom across the nice new sheets.

I will not attempt to make love to your pillow.

I will not bring my stickiest chew toy to bed with me.

I will not drape myself across the bed and play dead after you stumble back from using the bathroom.

I will not raid the cat litter box for a late night snack and then try to tell you about it.

I will not lick your teeth when you fall asleep with your mouth open.

I will not sneak away for a drink in the toilet bowl at 2am.

I will not drag my wet muzzle across your face afterwards.

I will not then wake you up at 3am so I can go outside to pee.

I will not make slurpy noises while I lick clean my private parts after coming back in.

I will not snore any louder than you do.

I will not run, twitch, and grunt in my sleep, even when dreaming of squirrels.

I will not fart, honest I won't.

I will not chew on my new blue Booda Ball at 4am, right next to your head.

I will not howl when the furnace shuts off/comes on, just to make sure you know about it.

I will not howl when the alarm clock goes off just to make sure you are really awake.

I will not take for granted the privilege of sleeping with you.

Yours sincerely,

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