"Mrs. Willy Speaks Out"
This is Part II of a three part series. See Part I.

Do you solemnly swear to tell the Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth so help you God?


Please state your name.


Mrs. Willy, are you aware of The Willy's testimony last week regarding the Squirrel Gate scandal?

I AM. And please don't call it that.

Mr. Willy has since stated that he never engaged in improper behavior with the Squirrel.
Do you believe him?

I'd like to explain a few things to you. After living with Mr. Willy for over half my life, I know him better than anyone. I'm telling you, Willy's no animal. He did nothing improper with that Squirrel. This is all a lie perpetuated by the rowdy right-wingers. They've been hounding us for years.
Sure, Willy likes to LOOK at squirrels. He's always had an eye for the squirrels. Sometimes he even pursues them. But he never catches those squirrels. Never. He's only interested in the chase. You must keep in mind that Willy is a dog! It's a DOG thing. He can't help himself. But chasing squirrels is not a criminal act...

How do you know he doesn't catch the squirrels?

I JUST KNOW. Look, even if Willy caught a squirrel, he wouldn't know what to do with it. Do you understand? Once he got a squirrel in his mouth he would be absolutely clueless. Trust me. I know these things from past experience. Willy is harmless.

So what you are saying, then, is that Willy is innocent.

YES. The only thing my Willy is guilty of is Bad Taste. I mean it. Just look at his choice of squirrels, and not just this one, either. Yech. And have you seen some of those ties he wears?! Geesh. I don't know where he comes up with them. Yup. If Bad Taste was a crime, why our Mr. Willy would be on death row.

One last question, Mrs. Willy. Where did you get your hat?

IT WAS A GIFT. Don't you just love it?

See the next installment

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