"The Squirrel Speaks Out"
This is Part III of a three part series. See Part I and Part II.

Do you solemnly swear to tell the Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth so help you God?


Please state your name.


Ms. Squirrel, you are at the center of a nationwide controversy involving The Honorable Mr. Willy. How do you feel about that?

POOR ME! I wish I could just disappear. This is all so embarrassing.

Some people believe that you actually precipitated this situation, that you preyed on Mr. Willy's well known weakness. Did you?

OF COURSE NOT. You have to understand. Squirrels just wanna have fun. And Mr. Willy is one good looking dog. I couldn't help noticing him while he was doing his business. I shook my fluffy little tail at him a few times and ran behind a tree. Just normal squirrel stuff, ya know? But he went nuts. Started chasing me. It was great fun at first, but Mr. Willy is fast. And he's a good tracker, too.

So Mr. Willy did in fact chase you?

YES. He sure did.

The bigger issue here, Ms. Squirrel, is whether or not The Willy caught you. Ms. Squirrel, the nation is waiting for your answer... did Mr. Willy catch you?

DOES IT MATTER? Look, I lived to tell about it. Well, maybe not tell about it. Anyway, what more do you people want? I really don't understand all this uproar. I just wish you'd all leave me alone with my peanuts.

Ms. Squirrel, we want an answer. Did Mr. Willy catch you?

WELL... if I tell you, do you promise not to tell anyone else?

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